Thursday, 22 May 2014

Letter to G-d

Dear G-d, 

I hope that you are well. I appreciate that as creator and master of the universe, people might think you probably might not have the time to check this little letter to you, although I understand that you are our  Avinu Malkeinu; our Father and our King.

You know I love you loads,even though I went through a long period of not believing you existed, that I didn't want to bother with you&  you know that I sometimes want to ask you difficult questions, like why did you give us such wonderful stuff in your Torah, only for people to use it badly? Why do people insist that why you gave us your creation and your science, one is told you have to pick you or science? 

You know I've screamed at you before, very loudly, and asked you why me and Rachel never got a chance to meet my mum and dad. Why was life was being taken as it was being given? I know that they are at the Shabbat table in Gan Eden, the place of peace which is like the feeling after sex or the warmth of a sunny day. But I still would like to know stuff.  What do they think of me? My life? My choices? My relationships ? Do they mind if I'm gay? Do they like my beloved, Sarah?  Do they love me? Are they proud of me? What about my brother's  first wife, his son and my sister's daughter?I have mourned their passing, so, so greatly. You know I grieved the loss of dear uncle Hashy, who raised me in difficult circumstances; is he still smoking his pipe? Is he still grumpy and stubborn? Is he with auntie Eleanor? I know that you love all nations of this world and that he followed you all the days of his life. You know that.

You know I'm not the best Jew or the most observant one, I try and meet you through living, the attempts to be kind, to not let my 'inner bitch' come out too much, trying to do and not to do... & friends and family. I enjoy the Shabbat you gave us. We light candles, break bread and drink wine over prayers, sing , eat discuss the Torah, debate & reflect over the week together,often till the early hours of the morning (especially as one of my brothers is now living with us!). You know that, though, because you are with us there. 

You know I've struggled a lot in trying to meet with you; being an atheist, then looking into Christianity, now returned to the Jewish fold. .My brother David says to me what is more important is how we all act in the world, rather than what we say we believe.I know you  understand all of this because I just have that sense of shalom, peace completeness and wholeness . You know that for the first time in a very long time I'm beginning to feel happy. I don't know if that will last, because life is life. Good and bad. But YOUR love,G-d, is eternal as you've said via King David (Psalm 136), it never ceases or ends.

That's what I like about you G-d

Hashem, ani ohev otra

God, I love you loads xxx


  1. I've often wondered about a lot of this as well. Thanks for sharing. And hopefully we'll get answers one day when we leave this world for Gan Eden.

  2. Like the song as well! Fantastic !!

  3. Thanks for sharing this with us Hannah

    "What do they think of me? My life? My choices? My relationships ? Do they mind if I'm gay? Do they like my beloved, Sarah? Do they love me? Are they proud of me? You know I grieved the loss of dear uncle Hashy, who raised me in difficult circumstances; is he still smoking his pipe? Is he still grumpy and stubborn? Is he with auntie Eleanor? "

    Mum and dad would love you; they did love you and Rachel, when you were conceived and forming in the womb. No they wouldn't mind about you being gay & would approve of Sarah, who I can tell is a very & thoughtful kind person . And yes they and the rest of our family, including my son and Esther's daughter are there in Gan Eden right now.

    I appreciated the song, I'm enjoying this contemporary stuff a bit more now. I must be mellowing in my old age! (:

  4. I like the idea of a letter to God. Can we share ours in the comments ?

    Can I ask why the women at the beginning light the candles and cover their faces? Also what is the incense box all about?

  5. Fritz Wunderbar22 May 2014 at 13:54

    Danke, dass wünsche ich Dir auch;)

  6. I've got a question- why do you spell God with a dash sometimes and then not others?

  7. Hi Jim,

    It is because I'm using Hashem's personal name. Christians call this The tetragrammaton. It is so holy and personal, that Jews are forbidden to write the name of G-d down (unless you were a Priest of the Jerusalem Temple). G-d has loads of different names, or descriptions,but that is his personal one.

  8. Hi AL,

    Usually blessings precede the performance of a Mitzvah( a Biblical or Rabbinic mandated action). However with Shabbat, this starts the moment we say the blessings and as we are not allowed to light a fire on Shabbat, we would violate Shabbat. So to get around this problem we light the candles and then cover our faces to say the blessing. This way we are not violating the commandments. We wave our arms around as a way of welcoming in the Angels of Shabbat & Shabbat itself, referred to as a bride or queen in our literature, for example we sing 'Lecha Dodi', which translates as

    'come my beloved, to met the bride and let us welcome the presence of Shabbat... observe and recall in a single utterance.. we were made to hear by God. God is one and God's name is one... in fame and splendor and praiseful song.'

  9. Hi David,

    That means a lot. I know U find it difficult to open up about these things.

  10. Hi Al.

    The incense box is called 'b'samim'. It is actually a spice box. We use this at the end of Shabbat, a ritual called 'Havdalah' in which prayers are said, over wine, candles and the spices. The spices are represent compensation for the loss of the special Sabbath spirit, the wine is drunk after we say prayers & used to douse the candle flame out when the prayers are done; the candle is there to remind us of the distinction between the Shabbat and the weekday, because we cannot light a fire on the Shabbat.

    Does this help?

  11. Garnel Ironheart22 May 2014 at 17:09

    There's a gemara in Sanhedrin where the Sages are debating who among the famous Biblical figures never got into Heaven and one person they decided didn't was Shlomo HaMelech because of the troubles he got into in his old age. A bunch of signs appear from the sky indicating that they should change their decision but they insist: No, Shlomo HaMelech didn't get into Heaven. Finally a Divine voice announces, in effect, "I'm God, I decide who gets in, not you and I says he got in!"
    Be a good person, keep the mitzvos as best you can, leave the world a better place than you found it and you've made Him happy.

  12. "they are at the Shabbat table in Gan Eden, the place of peace which is like the feeling after sex or the warmth of a sunny day"

    I thought that was made up, but checked it out; that is what Jews say. Goodness me, you don't hold back on expressions do you?

    I am sorry for your losses, you've had some pretty difficult times it seems. But you were a Christian at one stage it seems. Did you convert to Judaism? What's the story there?

  13. Yes, I'd say that us Jews are more 'expressive' when it comes to sex, e,g there was a Sephardi poet called Yehudah HaLevi.

  14. "But you were a Christian at one stage it seems. Did you convert to Judaism? What's the story there?"

    No I didn't convert to Christianity or Judaism. I was born a Jew, raised up in Jewish traditions. I was an atheist- i.e. I didn't believe in ANY kind of deity. I did have a couple of years, where I did flirt with Christianity, which involved attending an 'Alpha Course', before return to Judaism as a religion (that is literally what repentance in Judaism means - return). I never got baptised or anything like that.

    I wrote three blogs about all of this , under various nome de plumes, which I've deleted, so you won't be able to find them. I have copies of the stuff I wrote . It is interesting reading back on the ebb and flow of my thoughts, decisions and where I wanted to be . I gained much out of that experience, some good, some bad. I have my own intellectual, philosophical & personal reasons for rejecting Christianity, although of course that doesn't see me seeing the good in people who claim the title.

    I want to share all these things here , as I said to you about other topics yesterday, alas I've got to admit I'm feeling cowardly. I enjoy chatting with people about my faiths, even those who don't share it. It is just that in the past I've had people with very strong opinions firing cannons at me. I'm not writing up my critique of Christianity or more positively 'why I am a Jew for Judaism', until I ready for the battle .

  15. Hi Garnel,

    Thanks for that, I'll look it up :)

  16. Thanks for this Hannah. You aren't alone with these things.

    Hashem, ani ohev otra

  17. Hannah,

    Talk about these things when you want to, you're in control here, not anyone else. This isn't a forum for every man and his dog to try and convert you Evangelical Christianity.

  18. Hannah, been true to the truth whilst questioning it is OK.

  19. Hi Esther,

    That's right. I don't really want to talk about it right now. Perhaps I might put something up to clarify some of my thoughts. I think I'll do that.

  20. Thank you all for your replies and responses. Keep them coming.

  21. Thanks Esther. I know its been tough for you xxx

  22. Hello Ruth, hope U are OK.

  23. Hannah,

    Sorry I was just wondering why you were reading other faith blogs that was all. I'm not trying to convert you or anything. I enjoy reading about other faiths as well.

  24. Hannah,

    This is more you, more what you used to be like on your old blogs. Thanks for sharing such a personal set of thoughts. Liked the vid as well x (:

  25. George Monkhouse22 May 2014 at 22:13

    Sad to say if you are not a Christian, you are going to hell. It's not unkind to say that, it is kindness.

  26. George Monkhouse22 May 2014 at 22:24

    1 Corinthians 6:9-11
    Don't you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don't fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people-none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (NLT)

    1 Timothy 1:8-10
    Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine ... (ESV)

    Jude 7
    And don't forget Sodom and Gomorrah and their neighboring towns, which were filled with immorality and every kind of sexual perversion. Those cities were destroyed by fire and serve as a warning of the eternal fire of God's judgment. (NIV)

  27. George,


    Some old utter crap from you.

  28. Hi Hannah,

    Thanks, thanks, aside from the gay bit, it is exactly what I'd like to ask G-d! And Sarah is just right for U, sis x

  29. You're entitled to your own religious believes. I'm entitled to call these utter bollocks. But I'm not sure why you think it necessary to, by implication, tell us that our nephew, niece, uncle, auntie and sister in law are all in his 'hell' of yours. As much as we love ecumenical dialogue, can't you just keep your gob shut or go onto a blog that is more suitable for yourself?

  30. Every day is a new day; an anniversary to the revelation of truth and of our Yahweh Elohim Allah is ONE and SAME.

  31. Hi Rach, Thanks for that posting. Saved me the bother!

  32. David you can delete this or tell me to go away, but given your traditional views on sex and marriage, aren't you being a little hypocritical in endorsing your sister's gay relationship? And how do you claim to speak to the dead? How do you know what your mom and dad think?

  33. Terry,

    I opposed gay marriage being forced upon religious communities, in respect of religious liberty. I personally believe that the current opinion of our Rabbis, tradition and Jewish law prevent gay Jews being married in the Jewish religion. There is a difference between that and being hateful toward gay people for being themselves; furthermore traditional Judaism has an issue with sex acts and not sexuality as such, but what happens in someone else's bedroom between consenting adults, such as my sister, is neither my concern or the concern of the state. In respect of the religion, this is between her and the almighty. I will not sit upon a throne of judgement.

    There is also a distinction between civil (state) marriage and religious marriage. I can see that in civil marriage there is a way of allowing gay people to express their love for each other & obtain the civil benefits like hetrosexual people do. In respect of religious marriage and my religion, I see this as a 'no-no'. However, if there is a case to be made to change this view, then I welcome the arguments for and against; if Synagogues of whatever tradition wish to bless gay relationships etc, then that is up to them, at the local level.

    I simply don't want the state to force religions into something which they may (or may not) have theological and spiritual problems with. In respect of my views on sex, I often write these things thinking as a father to many daughters. I believe that it is preferable to wait for marriage to have sex (and lots of good sex at that!) because sex- especially hetrosexual sex, can lead to consequences & can change your life (e.g. children) before you may or may not be equipped to handle, but I also live in the real world.

    I trust that this clarifies my view. Yes it is complex, but I'm a complex man. My thought process isn't 'black and white' and I detest some of the vile things people who claim a faith, say about gay people and the ravings of a 'gaystapo' (itself a hyperbolic term which offends me, because of the comparison with Nazi Germany, which is a wholly inappropriate analogy).


  34. "And how do you claim to speak to the dead? How do you know what your mom and dad think?"

    I never claimed any of this - in fact speaking with the dead is forbidden in Judaism. I can, however, claim a knowledge of our mum and dad more than yourself, in action as much as what they said. If you knew how our mum and dad died then you'd understand this, I believe in other places we have discussed this, but it is none of your business, quite frankly.

  35. Garnel,

    "Be a good person, keep the mitzvos as best you can, leave the world a better place than you found it and you've made Him happy."

    I couldn't write it better myself.

  36. Atheist Shrugged24 May 2014 at 07:54

    “The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.”
    Richard Dawkins is right as ever!

  37. Atheist Shrugged24 May 2014 at 07:55

    Except anyone who doesn't make up the 0.2% of the world population is doubtless destined for whatever hell Jews believe in. And you guys want us to follow all these impossible rules and regulations? Utterly daft .


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