God replies, "My son, a million years to you is like a second to me."
The man asks, "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
God replies, "My son, a million dollars to you is less than a penny to me. It means almost nothing to me."The man asks, "So God, can I have a million dollars?"
And God replies, "In a second."
Bloomberg, on a business trip, found himself having a public toilet. He had just made himself comfortable when he noticed that the toilet paper roll was empty. He called out to the next booth, "Excuse me, friend, but do you have any toilet paper in there?"
"No, I'm afraid there doesn't seem to be any here, either."
Bloomberg paused for a moment. "Listen, he said, do you happen to have a newspaper or a magazine with you?"
"Sorry, I don't."
Bloomberg paused again, and then said, "How about two fives for a ten?"
The Priest And The Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi were sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest put down his book and said to the Rabbi, "I know that in your religion you're not supposed to eat pork... but have you really never ever tasted it?"
The rabbi closed his newspaper and replied, "I must tell you the truth. Yes I have, on the odd occasion."
The rabbi then had his turn to interrogate. He asked, "I know that in your religion you're supposed to be celibate... but..."
The priest interrupted, "Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice."
The two continued with their reading and there was silence for a while.
Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?
Adam and Eve
One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden.
God told Adam that it was time to populate the world. "Adam", he said, "you can start by kissing Eve".
"What’s a kiss?", asked Adam.
God explained and then Adam took Eve behind a bush and kissed her.
Adam returned with a big smile on his face and said, "Lord, that was great! What’s next?".
"Now you must caress Eve".
"What’s caress?", asked Adam.
God explained and then Adam took Eve behind a bush and lovingly caressed her.
Adam returned with a bigger smile and said, "Lord, that was even better than a kiss! What’s next?".
"Here is what gets the deed done. Now I want you to make love to Eve".
"What is make love?", asked Adam.
A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?".